Two Ronnies: London stations conversation

Thanks to the excellent blog Ian Visits for discovering this hilarious Two Ronnies sketch where they have a conversation on a train using the names of London Tube stations.

It’s a superb piece of comedic writing.

RB: Oh, High Barnet.

RC: Mornington Crescent.

RB: ‘ere, don’t Strand up there, Old Street, Regents Park your Barkingside down there.

RC: There we are. Well, I must say it’s Chorleywood to see you again. Harrow-on-the-Hill are you?

RB: Oh, mustn’t grumble. Still getting them pains in me Dalston Junction. Epping nuisance, they are. What about Euston?

RC: Ah, Fairlop to Marylebone thanks, you know. Tottenham Hale and Highbury most of the time.

RB: What about the missus?

RC: Oh, well.

RB: Oh, Dollis Hill, is she?

RC: No, no, Chigwell. Oh yeah, Chigwell, the old Elephant and Castle.

RB: And your brother-in-law, what’s his name?

RC: What, Greenford, you mean?

RB: Yeah.

RC: Oh, still very

RB: A bit Queensway, is he?

RC: Yeah, Brent as Notting Hill Gate as a matter of fact. Mixing with a very funny crowd ‘n’ all. you know

RB: I heard that. He was going around with the Theydon Bois at one time, wasn’t he? Big fellas, aren’t they?

RC: Wapping.

RB: Well, it was Islington down about six o’clock this morning, won’t it.

RC: Absolutely poured with Rayners Lane. Very Wembley Parky out there ‘n’ all now, you know.

RB: Still, good for the Covent Garden, isn’t it?

RC: What, all that Bayswater you mean?

RB: Yeah, Turnham Green that will. Here, my wife wanted to Dagenham up the old Arnos Grove, plant something Bushey and Oxhey instead.

RC: She know a lot about Kew Gardens, then?

RB: No, Vauxhall as a matter of fact. Watford High Street’s the matter with you?

RC: Earls Court up in my Hatch End, I think. There we are, that’s Becontree.

RB: Here, you fancy a Putney after work down the Angel?

RC: More than my Rickmansworth. My wife thinks I’m Maida Vale as it is. If I Ruislip down the Angel I’ll very probably end up all Totteridge and Whetstone. There’ll be Hammersmith to pay when I get home.

RB: Bit of an Aldwych your old lady, is she, eh? Yeah, mine’s just the same. I have to get down on my Hampsteads and Neasdens if I want to go for a Pimlico, you know.

RC: Rotherhithe than me. What’s this? Ah, here we are. That’s it. Aldgate off here, Watford about you?

RB: No, Cockfosters.

RC: Tooting Bec for now, then.

RB: Tooting Bec.

RB: Oi ‘ere, you left your Barbican. Silly Arsenal.