Author Archives: gregwatts1960

Waiting for the Night Bus


I have been thinking a lot recently about what it was like living in London in the 1980s, as I’m writing a memoir about those years entitled Waiting for the Night Bus.

And what has struck me is how my life has changed in so many small ways. Here’s a list of things I once did in the 1980s, but no longer do.

Buy newspapers

Buy records

Buy rolls of film

Use a typewriter

Use an A-Z

Use public phone boxes

Use telephone directories

Use Yellow Pages

Go to libraries

Write cheques

Go to a launderette

Jump on and off Routemaster buses

Pay cash on buses

Smoke in pubs

Buy sweets in Woolworth

Buy trousers and shirts in BHS or C & A

Travel on National Express

Write letters and buy postcards

Buy ready meals

Go to discos

Travel on slam door trains

Watch the TV news

Fish and chips – Tom Kerridge style


Tom Kerridge has been grabbing the headlines this week at the opening of his first restaurant in London. The reason is his menu includes fish and chips priced at £32.50.

I won’t be heading to Kerridge’s Bar and Grill at the Corinthia Hotel in Whitehall to sample them. To charge £32.50 for  a piece of brill and a few fried potatoes is outrageous, even if they do come with pease pudding, tartare sauce and something called a matson spicy sauce.

Kerridge, whose TV persona is that of the chatty bloke next door, clearly believes customers will stump up that sort of money. And he may well be right.  Trying to find perfect fish and chips in London is like trying to find the proverbial holy grail. A couple of weeks ago, when I went for a takeaway to a fish and chip restaurant in south-east London that has garnered many outstanding reviews, I ended up depositing most of my meal in the bin.

I have to say that I’ve always come away underwhelmed when I’ve eaten at restaurants owned by celebrity chefs. I’ve only been to three – Jamie’s Italian, a Marco Pierre White place near Harrod’s, and Rick Stein at Barnes – , but I’ve seen enough to realise that they are no better or worse than countless other restaurants.

Something tells me that if I did indeed go to Kerridge’s Bar and Grill, expecting sensational fish and chips, I’d come away at the end of the meal very disappointed, which is exactly how I felt upon leaving Rick Stein at Barnes.

Of course, the exorbitant price Kerridge is charging for fish and chips has got him acres of space in the media. Everyone now knows Kerridge has a spot in central London.

I’d like to think the cost of fish and chips was a publicity stunt, and the price will drop by half once the media chatter has died away.  But I very much doubt it.


Too many recipe books


I walked into a branch of Waterstone’s the other day and immediately gravitated to the food and drink section. And not for the first time, I was astonished by the number of recipe books on the shelves.

When I came out of the shop, I found myself musing how many copies these often lavishly and expensively produced books sell.

Okay, Jamie Oliver’s 5 Ingredients was the best selling book in the UK last year, and people like Mary Berry and Rick Stein shift copies because they have the ability to make a connection with viewers of their TV programmes. And, of course, if you are a regular face on TV – no matter how bad you are on the screen, like Nadia Hussein or the Hairy Bikers – you will sell books.

But what about all these other chefs? How many copies of their books are actually sold?

And have you noticed how big some of these books are? They take up a lot of space on a shelf. Last year, The True Food of Spain by Monika Linton, the founder of Brindisa came out. It’s a thumping 544 pages!

It seems that every chef who makes an appearance on Saturday Kitchen has just published a recipe book.  The scenario has almost become a parody. After asking what the chef will be cooking, Matt Tebbutt will then say as if surprised, “So you’ve got a book out.”

“Yes,” says the chef. “I’ve loved writing it.”

“So what’s it about?”

“Well, Matt, I want to show how cooking delicious meals at home can be really quick/I want to provide busy people with some simple ideas for healthy meals/I want to show that vegetables don’t have to be boring…”

They say this in the manner of someone who has some secret to share when what they are doing is the same as hundreds of other recipe book writers have already done.

“No!” I yell at the TV. “We don’t want another cookery book like this. There are hundreds of them out there. Please! Go back to the kitchen in your restaurant and stay there.”

Of course, only the publishers know how many recipe books get sold – and they only release figures when they want to boast. They never tell you which recipe book has been a turkey.

But I would hazard a guess that many of these books are probably bought as gifts for birthdays or Christmas, and that they never actually get used.

At least that’s how it is with me. I much prefer to watch a video of a chef cooking a dish on You Tube. It’s a far better way to follow a recipe – and it  doesn’t take up space on a shelf

An inspiring cafe in Lisbon


When I go on holiday I nearly always come away full of admiration for some restaurant, bar, or chef.

On my recent trip to Lisbon I stumbled across a tiny café, not much bigger than a living room, in a back street near the Amoreiras shopping centre in the north-west of the city, just off the E24 tram route. It had nine seats inside and sixteen outside.

Adorning the walls of the café were photos and paintings of the nearby Águas Livres Aqueduct, built in the eighteenth century to provide Lisbon with fresh drinking water.

The café was called Elova. What impressed me was not the food, as all it served was bread rolls (bought from the bakery opposite), pastries coffee, wine and beer, but the owner. His name was Rui, and, with his lived in face and pony tail, he looked as if he might have been a drummer in some rock band years ago.

The reason Rui made such an impression on me was that he ran the café single-handed, at least until his wife came to take over in the afternoon. He made the rolls (and the cheese and ham were very good), served the customers, washed up, cleared tables, squeezed oranges by hand, took the payments, anything that needed doing, in fact. And he did all this with a smile.

When I asked Rui about the story behind his café, he told me he had opened it in 2000. Before that, he had only worked in one restaurant. The café’s name, he explained, was made up of the names of his two children.

I didn’t get the chance to ask him if he had ever been in a rock band, but the rock music that was always playing in the background suggested that I might have been right.

Elova isn’t the kind of place that you’ll find tourists in.  It’s strictly for the locals, who pop in throughout the day for a coffee, or a beer or glass of wine, no doubt to catch up on local gossip.

It’s inspiring to meet people like Rui, who have an idea, work hard to achieve it, and build a successful business.  Rui’s café is the kind of place I could imagine myself running one day, offering perhaps a few simple but fresh tapas dishes.  Well, we can all dream, can’t we?


10 great English food products

With products from so many countries available in our shops and supermarkets, it’s easy to forget that England has some very good ones of its own.  Here’s ten of my favourites, in no particular order, and the county they are traditionally associated with

1 Pork pies (Leicestershire)

2 Oatcakes (Staffordshire)

3 Black pudding (Lancashire)

4 Cornish pasties (Cornwall, of course)

5 Eccles cakes (Greater Manchester)

6 Stilton cheese (Leicestershire and Derbyshire)

7 Clotted cream (Devon)

8 Potted shrimps (Lancashire)

9 Vivaldi potatoes (Norfolk)

10 Yorkshire pudding (Yorkshire, naturally)






Don’t believe all rave reviews

Last night I paid my second visit in a month to a fish and chip restaurant in south-east London that has received rave reviews even though on my previous visit I had been underwhelmed by both the fish (the batter wasn’t crispy and the haddock was so so) and the chips (pale instead of golden and not crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside, as they should be).

I had broken one of my golden rules of not going to a place that sold fish and chips along with items on the menu such as burgers, fried chicken and Jamaican patties. Why do this?  If you set out to serve fish and chips, stick to fish and seafood, and cook them perfectly.

But, sadly, the majority of fish and chip shops or restaurants don’t do this. Fish and chips just feels like one of many items, not something special, which is what it should be. I’m not bothered what some people say about chicken tikka masala, this is our national dish.

The reason I decided to give the place in south-east London a second go was because of the friendly staff and friendly owner.  Yet I was still troubled by the number of customers who proclaimed that it served the best fish and chips in London. Perhaps I had caught it on a bad night, I concluded.

So last night I had high expectations when I placed my order. They soon started to disappear when my plate was put down in front of me. True, the haddock was large, but the chips looked just as pale as before. In fact, this time they were worse, because someone hadn’t bothered to cut out the green bits, which leave a bitter taste in the mouth. As for the haddock, it was no better than before and this time, the batter was soggy.

After I had paid and was leaving, the owner called to me. ‘I see, you haven’t eaten much,’ he said.

‘No…I like my chips crispy on the outside and soft inside…And I prefer crispy batter,’ I replied.

‘Well, you know, I only buy the best quality potatoes, but this is the wrong time of the year,’ he said.

‘Ah, I see,’ I said, thinking the poor quality of the chips was to do with the way they had been cooked, not the potatoes.

‘Next time when you come, they will be better,’ he said cheerfully.

‘Okay,’ I said, and went on my way.

I liked the owner and he seemed to genuinely want his customers to have a good experience. I could see he was proud of his restaurant, and I admire that.  But the truth is that while people might tell him online he’s serving great fish and chips, he’s not. Not by my book anyway.

This just goes to show that over 1,000 people on Trip Advisor can be wrong.

Monks take up brewing


For hundreds of years, monasteries in Europe have brewed beer. And now a monastery in Leicestershire has become the first one in England to do so since the Reformation.

When the Cistercian monks (known as Trappists) at Mount St Bernard Abbey, near Coleville, realized that dairy farming was no longer economically viable and closed their farm and sold their cows, they needed to come up with another way to support themselves. So they decided to brew beer.

After visiting the eleven Trappist monasteries brewing beer in Europe and the US, the monks at Mount St Bernard engaged a Dutch master brewer as an advisor.

He cautioned against just copying the style of existing Trappist beers, but to create a unique style. The first English Trappist ale, Tynt Meadow, combines the traditions of the continental Trappist brewers with the traditions of English brewing, which is centred on Burton on Trent just 15 miles away.

The monks have received help in brewing from The Pheasantry Brewery in Nottinghamshire, the Charnwood Brewery in nearby Loughborough, the Heritage Brewery at the National Brewery centre in Burton on Trent, the Framework Brewery in Leicester, and the Unicorn Brewery in Stockport.

However, it’s unlikely that the monks will be supping much of their ale themselves – their day begins at 3.15 am and they go to bed at 8 pm.

The Man Behind the Menu – coming soon!

The man who wrote Kitchen Confidential


“And in that unforgettably sweet moment, that one moment still more alive for me than so many of the other “firsts” that followed – first sex, first joint, first day in high school, first published book – I attained glory.”

So wrote Anthony Bourdain in the first chapter of his best-selling 2000 memoir about what it’s really like to work in New York restaurant kitchens, Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly.

The news yesterday that he had died aged just 61 shocked me. But what shocked me even more was that it he had committed suicide. It seems he had hung himself.

He was found in his hotel room in the village of Kaysersberg in the Alsace region of France by friend and celebrity chef Eric Ripert.  The two of them were there to film a TV series.

Bourdain, like Keith Floyd, Marco Pierre White, Rick Stein and others, played a huge part in making cooking attractive and food, to quote Bourdain again, “something other than a substance one stuffed into one’s face when hungry – like filling up at a gas station”.

I must have read Kitchen Confidential a dozen times. It’s not just a fantastic book about what goes on in professional kitchens. It’s also brilliantly written. Indeed, that first chapter, where he travels to France as a child with his parents, is a masterclass in writing the opening to a memoir. He says so much in so few words and provides such sensual and evocative images.

After the phenomenal success of Kitchen Confidential, Bourdain quit working as a chef and embarked on a writing and TV career.  He published follow-up books to Kitchen Confidential and also novels and made a string of TV shows, which often saw him in some far flung corner of the world eating sheep’s testicles or ants’ eggs.

I have to confess that I never found his TV programmes as engaging as those of Keith Floyd or Rick Stein. I felt Bourdain lacked their warmth and humour. I don’t think he was  a natural in front of the camera. Nevertheless, the programmes were hugely popular.

But it’s Kitchen Confidential I shall always remember him for. I end with another quote.  “They were assembling machine guns for sale in the employee bathroom when I arrived. All the line cooks were hunched over Armalites and M-16s, while outside, in the nearly unmanned kitchen, orders spewed out of the chattering printer and were ignored.”

Another of my favourite writers died recently, Tom Wolfe. He was 88 and died of natural causes. The manner of Bourdain’s death is deeply sad. Despite all his success and, as he once said, being paid loads of money to travel around the world and do anything he wanted, away from the TV cameras, he must have been deeply troubled and in lots of emotional pain. Throughout much of his life he had battled with various demons. This demons hadn’t gone away, it seems.

Anthony Bourdain, rest in peace.

The Man Behind the Menu

My first novel, The Man Behind the Menu, will be published in the next few weeks.

It’s  a satire on the world of celebrity chefs and the often crazy London restaurant scene.

Writing it has been both hard and fun. It’s been hard because, like any first time novelist, you have to grapple with developing characters, creating a plot, coming up with sharp dialogue, and fleshing out your themes. At times, trying to master all these things has felt overwhelming, and more than once I was tempted to give up.

Yet there have been moments when writing it has been great fun when I’ve allowed my imagination to run riot and lampoon some of the aspects of celebrity culture and the hospitality business.




Rick Stein in Barnes – only six chips!

I couldn’t believe my eyes when the waiter put the plate of cod and chips down in front of me. There were just six chips!  I counted again…one…three…six. And I wasn’t at any old restaurant or gastro pub; I was at Rick Stein in Barnes.

I had been planning to go to Rick Stein’s London restaurant ever since it opened last summer.  So when my daughter landed a new job, I figured this would be a great way to celebrate it. Like me, she loves fish and seafood, and the go to man for this is Rick Stein, one of my food heroes.

Trying to find quality fish and chips in London is a task that requires much investigation and dedication, as so many places get this essentially simple dish so wrong.  When I walked into Rick Stein’s Barnes restaurant, I felt I was in for a real treat.

Six chips. You can’t get stingier than that. Potatoes are…well, as cheap as chips to buy. I thought rationing had disappeared in the 1950s.

Only the day before, I had watched an episode of Rick’s Seafood Odyssey where he tucked into a huge plate of cod and chips in Whitby, pronouncing this classic British dish as one of the best anywhere in the world.

So why do customers at his Barnes restaurant get only six chips? And why was the portion of cod only half a fillet, not a whole one? It was only fractionally bigger than the cod my eight-year-old son had from the children’s menu.  What’s more the batter was not crispy and golden, like it should be. The chips were good, but not outstanding.

Six chips and half a cod fillet for nearly £17! My daughter, who had also ordered cod and chips, and is a Rick Stein fan, too, was equally aghast.

And it wasn’t just the portion sizes that were lacking at the restaurant.  My son’s calamari came with bean sprouts and courgettes.  The dish was bland and, what’s more, not suitable for a children’s menu. My son loves rings of calamari fried in a light batter, like he has when he goes to a branch of Ask.  My wife’s brill was okay, but nothing special.

The service could best be described as hit and miss.  Many of the waiters and waitresses seemed to wander around with tunnel vision, as if they had been instructed to avert their eyes from the customers.

My wife had to stand up and wave, like someone stranded on a desert island signalling to a passing ship, to ask for the children’s menu.  The waiter had forgotten it, just as he had forgotten to bring the vinegar.

Rick Stein faces the same problem as any restaurant: how to find the right calibre staff.  Many restaurants are so desperate to fill their rota that they will employ virtually anyone. In fact, when my daughter was looking for world, she had applied to do some casual shifts at Rick Stein, Barnes. She told me the pay was the National Minimum Wage, which means the same as McDonald’s. The words monkeys and peanuts comes to mind.

However, there were some positives at Rick Stein, Barnes.. The bread was delicious and the mushy peas very good. The Cornish lager was outstanding, and had a wonderful fruity-creamy flavour.

After we left the restaurant, with me shaking my head and chuntering, ‘Only six chips!’, we popped into The Red Lion in Barnes. I ordered the drinks, and while I waited, four different bar staff asked me if I had been served.  The guy who served me said my daughter’s Rose was on the house, as it was the last of the bottle and not a full measure.

When we sat down, I looked across at a family at the next table and, with envy, saw a generous bowl of golden chips.

If someone blindfolded you and took you to Rick Stein in Barnes, you would assume you were in a typical gastro pub restaurant, not in a place that carries the name of a man who should be the real business when it comes to fish and chips.

Rick Stein is still one of my food heroes. I can watch his TV programmes time and time again. He has a wonderful way of making you feel you are there with him as he travels around the world trying different dishes and talking to chefs And what I also love is the way he brings in a country’s history and culture, and often reads aloud a quote about a particular place from a famous author.

But Six chips…I still can’t believe it.

The allergy myth


This whole allergy thing with food seems to be getting out of hand. It seems that half the country is now allergic to some food or other.

The pizza and pasta chain Ask, for example, provides a chart of all its dishes, listing whether they might contain products that could affect people who claim to have allergies. There’s fourteen products listed!  Apart from the usual suspects, the chart also lists celery, mustard, and sesame.

When I was growing up, I don’t recall many people having allergies to certain foods. And restaurants or café menus never had an allergen code.

So this all seems to be a relatively recent thing. And I suspect it’s a trend just in some in affluent Western societies.

Yes, there are people with genuine allergies, but they are very few.

I can’t help but wonder if all these claims to be allergic to eggs or gluten is to do with all this nonsense about clean eating, free from, veganism and all that guff we hear about in some sections of the media.

Or perhaps it’s also to do with attention seeking. Or wanting to claim some kind of moral superiority or quasi religious status. Jews only eat kosher food and Muslims only eat hal al.  So your middle class hipster will only eat some version of free from.

My son’s school bans nuts. Now, there might well be a pupil who is allergic to nuts. But why should all the other pupils not be allowed to take a bar containing nuts in their packed lunch when they go on a school trip? That is…just…nuts.

Jay Rayner wrote an all-guns-blazing piece about food intolerances in The Guardian some years ago. He wrote:

So where has this trend come from? My suspicion is that today’s food excluders were yesterday’s picky eaters, the tiresome little brats who, as children, spat out everything put their way with a shout of ‘I don’t like it!’ Now they have grown up but their palates haven’t. In this ego-centred age, they have been given license to come up with a bunch of excuses, wrapped in the language of pseudo science, excused by pompous and spurious claims to the moral, religious or ethical high ground, when really all they are actually saying is: ‘I still don’t like it!’ Of course any lactose-intolerant, peanut-allergic, kosher-keeping, food-combining, coeliac vegetarians who want to debate this with are most welcome to do so (if they’ve got the energy). One thing is certain though: we’re not going to be doing it over dinner.

 I think he’s spot on. There’s confusion about being intolerant to a certain kind of find and simply not just liking it.

And that’s the problem nowadays if you invite a group of people to dinner. You can’t assume they will all eat everything.